Wedding Planning:
Involve your Fiancé in 10 Easy Steps
by Blake Kritzberg
He's popped the question. You've chosen a date. And now, you're swimming
in a sea of euphoria with no horizons. Good thing, too, because there
are literally a thousand things to arrange before the big day.
You do the research, buckle under and dive in. But you find your
fiancé's ardor for the event itself seems to have cooled. It's not that
he isn't mad about marrying you; after all, he is a great guy, even if
he can't tell a Vera Wang from a Gunny Sack. It's that his preparation
style is hands-off, to say the least. And planning a wedding isn't a job
built for one.
So what to do? Here are ten ways to involve him without increasing both
of your stress loads:
1) Delegate areas that have a prayer of interesting him.
The worst thing you can do is expect him to match your ten to twenty
years of feminine wisdom on the relative merits of buttercream vs.
fondant.
Here are some probable no areas when roping in a reluctant wedding
planner:
- Selecting the cake frosting
- Choosing the favors or favor packaging
- Selecting the wedding colors or floral arrangements
Then there are the potential maybes, fraught with fewer hazards:
- Choosing the photographer
- Choosing the videographer
- Arranging the rehearsal dinner
- Arranging the all-inclusive honeymoon
- Renting big, tricky items like outdoor tents
These are probable yeses, well worth running by your guy:
- Selecting the DJ or the band
- Setting up and maintaining your wedding website
- Researching and selecting charities, if you choose to donate instead
of giving out favors
- Setting up the carriage, limo or other transportation arrangements
2) If you ask him to help you choose vendors and styles, narrow down the
choices first.
It's a jungle of options out there, enough to give the most natural-born
party planner pause. So if you want his opinion on photographers,
invites, flowers or cakes, narrow down the options to three or four.
He's less likely to feel overwhelmed, and more likely to feel like an
important part of the process.
At times, it'll feel so good to share the load that you'll be tempted to
drag him into the buttercream debate despite your better instincts. At
these times, take a deep breath, count to ten, and call your mother or
your maid of honor.
3) Ask him directly for help. Let him know how important his input is to
you, and that you can't do it without him.
Guys like to be needed. Your frank request for help may be enough to
pull him out of his comfort zone and onto your team.
4) Try the Art Director/Production Staff approach.
If you think your guy wants to help, but feels uncomfortable playing
"art director," give him "production staff" tasks. Have him make the
payments, pick up the food or decor, handle the rentals, do online
comparison shopping, or reserve the hotels and reception halls. These
are all jobs that will take a load off your shoulders, while freeing up
time for the aesthetic stuff you probably enjoy and he doesn't.
5) Get a calendar and put all the planning in black and white.
Your fiancé probably doesn't have the first clue in what goes into a
wedding.
Get your wedding planner, write it all down, and show him. Once he gets
over the shock, you'll both probably be able to identify areas that
interest him. Make lists of the things you've each agreed to do, and
cross them off as they get done. At the very least, he'll be far more
supportive when he sees what you're going through.
6) Weave his family heritage/ethnicity/traditions into the ceremony.
What did his parents do? He might be surprised at the question, but it
could lead somewhere valuable. He might ask his parents about their
wedding, and find your wedding consequently enriched. Look through their
wedding album together. Are his ancestors German, Polish, Italian,
Croatian, Asian? Incorporate some old-world traditions into your
ceremony.
7) Don't bring him in too early.
Treat your fiancé as a bit of a pinch hitter. Sure, you may be fully
aware that you can shave 5K off your costs by starting your favor crafts
and reservations 18 months ahead of time. But if he's like most guys,
the wedding won't become real to him until it draws closer. Expect him
to jump in about six months before the actual ceremony, and break into a
(relative) frenzy of activity about one month in advance.
8) Talk about something besides the wedding.
Guys aren't the only ones who complain about brides-to-be talking of
nothing but upcoming nuptials. Sometimes, even girlfriends get
overwhelmed by all the wedding chatter.
Spend some time alone chatting about anything but the wedding. See a
silly movie, split a hot fudge sundae, or watch a basketball game. Do
something spontaneous that reminds you both of why you decided to marry
in the first place.
9) Check your subtext for hidden meanings.
Tempting as it might be, make sure you're not using your fiancé as a
coin-toss tool (ever noticed how people flip coins to find out what they
really want?). When you ask for his opinion, take it seriously. And when
you give him ownership of a task, don't second-guess every step.
Imagine that your fiancé has told you he's going to draft a dream team
in his fantasy football league, and it's going to cost him $20K to
participate. Now imagine that he's told you your help is supremely
important to him.
You'd be a little hesitant to give opinions, right? Some of your ideas
might sound feeble, even to your own ears. Hopefully he'd welcome your
thoughts, however odd it felt for you to venture them. Now imagine your
fiancé feels kind of like that when it comes to the wedding.
10) Remember that men become wedding experts by having one.
Chances are, your sweetheart will open his eyes to the wonder of a
wedding by the time the rose petals are tossed. Forever after, he'll be
examining friend's receptions with a practiced eye, and anticipating the
next excuse for a Really Big Shindig.
So keep him around, and count on throwing a first-rate anniversary
celebration ten years down the road. In a way, that'll be the party that
really matters, won't it?
About the Author
Blake Kritzberg is the proprietor of:
http://www.just-wedding-favors.com
Visit the site for easy, elegant, unusual, and affordable wedding favor
ideas, wedding favor FAQ, and free wedding screensaver. This article may
be freely reprinted so long as this resource box and URL are preserved.
|
|
