10 Ways to Find
Time for Your Lover
by Karla Brandau, CSP
Last Saturday I was standing in line at the post office when the Asian
man in front of me turned around and looked at what I was mailing. One
package was in a 6 x 7 box provided by the postal service.
He looked at me and asked, “Free?” I nodded. Then he opened a plastic
bag and gently took out a small gold box wrapped with a shimmering red
ribbon. The package was beautiful.
I helped him look through the boxes provided by the post office until we
found the perfect size. As he carefully placed the ribboned box inside,
he asked to borrow my pen. I wasn’t trying to snoop, but I saw him
carefully write the name of a woman with an address in New York City.
This was clearly a gift for his Valentine.
Valentines Day is the time when feelings of affection and intimacy are
high. But for you, has Valentines Day ever become a time to apologize
for neglect? Has it ever been a time to make up for lost opportunities
of closeness with the one you love?
Couples in long-term relationships have a habit of taking each other for
granted which makes Valentines Day a good time to refocus on the
importance of each other.
I frequently have seminar participants tell me they are so busy just
getting tactical items done for work, that their personal relationships
are way down on the list.
I look the participants in the eye say, ‘If you think your boss will be
there for you when you are 85, stand up.’ The room fills with laughter
as the point is made. People start reassessing their priorities and
start putting relationships in their proper place.
The principle Brandau teaches is that jobs provide a measure of
self-esteem and the money to buy the necessities along with the niceties
of life, but sharing those with someone you love is what makes work
worthwhile.
If you are caught in the work rat race and have a hard time finding time
for your lover, try these tips:
1. Put anniversaries and birthdays into your calendar in Outlook, your
PDA, or any other electronic devise with automatic reminders built in.
Allow time to select the appropriate gift by setting the reminder for 1
week in advance of the actual date.
2. Make “do something” for your lover a “To-Do” list item. This “do
something” can be as simple as mopping the floor, cleaning the toilets,
taking in the dry cleaning, or sharing the remote control. As your love
matures, “I love you” takes many forms.
3. Block time out during lunch for a telephone call to the one you love.
A warm message or a listening ear can be great to lessen the stress of
morning work and grueling commitments.
4. If you make a commitment to attend an event with your special one,
don’t break the commitment. This example doesn’t strictly fit the
“lover” scenario, but Sean Penn, winner of a Golden Globe Award for Best
Actor in Mystic River, missed the 2004 Golden Globe Awards because he
had promised his daughter the evening out. He wouldn’t break that
promise. Producer Clint Eastwood accepted the award for him.
5. Don’t take your time together on weekends for granted. Plan something
special neither of you will want to miss: a trip to the museum, the
park, a movie, the zoo, the beach…
6. Include your lover in routine activities but do the routine
activities in a playful mood. Cooking a meal together becomes a fun
event if it is peppered with lively conversation. Start this way: “Tell
me something funny that happened to you today.”
7. When you are together, be there -- mentally as well as physically.
There is nothing worse than looking loving in your sweetheart’s eyes and
finding a distant look.
8. Hire people to give you more time to share love. There are great time
benefits to hiring help with yard work, house cleaning, dog walking,
buying gifts, etc.
9. Use the reverse scheduling technique: plan when you need to leave
work to have time for your lover. Estimate the time it will take to do
each item on your to do list, then plot your time backwards from the
time you want to leave work.
10. Remember to close the door on your professional life when you leave
work. Open the door to your personal relationships: enjoy the time with
your lover.
About the Author
Time Management expert Karla Brandau can be reached at 770-923-0883 or
at karla@timeforresults.com.
Visit her web site at
www.timeforresults.com to sign up for her monthly newsletter:
Tactical Time Management Tips for Professionals in the Trenches.
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